


Letters

by Techgirl



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Techgirl/pseuds/Techgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes everything changes and you get to see yourself through someone else's eyes.</p><p>Warning: Someone is dead. Not Brian or Justin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by later2nite.

Michael’s fingers traced over Vic’s and Carl’s names on their tombstones one last time before he walked around the graves and into Brian’s arms. “I’m happy she gets to lie with the two men she loved.” He wiped his nose on the handkerchief Brian handed him. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking up at Brian, who stared straight ahead and didn’t answer as he walked them over to the parking lot. “I wish I could have afforded to pay for what she needed so she hadn’t worked herself to death,” Michael sobbed against Brian’s chest.

“I offered to pay her bills." Brian took a deep breath. "For fucking everything. But she wouldn’t let me.”

Michael looked up at him. “You did?”

“She didn’t want to quit the diner. She lived for serving pink plates with sides of advice that no one asked for."

“Thanks for trying.”

Pushing Michael gently inside the car, where Ben was waiting for him, Brian turned around and saw Justin crouching down in front of Gus. He saw them talking quietly and Gus giggling a little. Walking over, he scooped Gus up in his arms, thinking he’d soon be too old to be carried. “Come on, boys. Time to have one last dinner at the Novotny house.”

Scanning Brian’s face, Justin tried to see how he was doing, knowing that asking wouldn’t get him an answer. He rubbed his eyes, trying to feel less tired. Spending a week at the hospital worrying about Deb and trying to take care of everyone around him had left him exhausted. Mel, Lindsay, and the kids had stayed with them for almost two weeks, and Brian’s feelings had been all over the place, which hadn’t helped the situation at all.

Brian made sure Gus got the seat belt right before he closed the door and squeezed Justin’s shoulder. “I’m fine.” He hugged him hard. “Stop worrying. I’m fine.”

Justin buried his face in Brian’s neck.

“But you’re not, are you?”

Shaking his head, Justin's shoulders shuddered when he started to cry.

Brian held him and stroked his hair. “Let’s just try and get through this afternoon, okay?”

\----------

When they arrived at the house, everyone sat quietly in the kitchen, waiting for Emmett to serve the food he'd been preparing for days. It looked amazing, but neither of them managed to do more than pick at it.

Ted started to say something, but he cut himself off when it was obvious no one was listening, all of them lost in their own thoughts and memories.

Looking around the table, Emmett put his cutlery down and stood up. "Deb’s got a few last words for us." He waved a couple of envelopes in front of himself. “She gave me these the last time I visited her. She wanted us to read them after we’d had dinner.”

Michael opened the first one when Emmett handed it to him and found two letters inside. Grasping for Ben's hand, he began to read the first one.

_ Michael _

_My beautiful son!_

_This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. I wish we’d had so much more time together, and it saddens me that we don’t._

_When I’m writing this, we both know my heart won’t be able to take much more. I know you’re probably blaming me for working too much, and you’re right. I didn’t listen to my body, to the warnings it gave me. After Carl died, I couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing - that’s not the life I wanted. I think you know, I hope you know, that I was always my happiest at the diner. There was nothing you could have done. It was my decision._

_I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about your dad, but believe me when I say I did what I thought was the right thing for you, for the both of us. Maybe I was selfish and wanted you for myself, or maybe I was just stupid and thought I had to dream up a hero for you when all you wanted was a father. I hope I’ve managed to make up for it by being the best mother I could be._

_I know I've been loud and embarrassing most of the time. I realize it hasn’t always been easy for you to have me as a mom, but I hope you’ve never doubted how much I love you._

_Vic was so proud of you, of the man you grew up to be._

_Take care of yourself, and don’t be sad that I’m gone. You have a wonderful family to live for._

_Love, Ma_

Michael cried so hard he almost couldn’t finish the last lines. Ben pulled him over to his chair, took him in his arms, and held him tightly for a long time. When Michael calmed down, he handed the second letter to Ben.

_Ben, Hunter, and Jenny Rebecca_

_My son’s family._

_No words could make me prouder to write. You gave him everything he’s dreamt of._

_ Ben _

_You’re the best son-in-law any woman can ask for! You’ve always been so kind to me and made it so easy for me to love you. I can see how important you and Michael are to each other, and I’m so happy I got to see you two get married. That was truly a dream come true! My son - someone's husband._

_I know what you’re putting your body through with all the meds you’re taking, and I'm so sorry for that. I also know you’ll do everything you can to keep healthy. Don’t you dare give up!_

_Take care of yourself and know that Michael will always be there for you. He’s a fucking superhero with a heart so big it’s close to exploding._

_Thank you for everything!_

_ Jenny Rebecca _

_My pride and joy! Grandma’s little girl. I wish we’d had more time together to really get to know each other. I hope you’ll remember me as the nice lady who gave you cookies and let you play with her fancy jewelry. Grow up to be as strong as all your parents are. You were born into a very special family, and I hope you’ll always be grateful for that._

_ Hunter _

_I know you don’t always believe it, but your dads are the most important men you’ll ever meet. They both love you so much, and they will continue to do anything to make sure you have everything you need._

_Take your meds, and always use a condom! Stop rolling your eyes at me. I’m just saying the truth. Be careful! It’s a huge responsibility you’ve got there. Listen to Ben because he knows what he’s talking about._

_I wish I could be around to meet the girl you finally settling down with._

_Love, Grandma_

\----------

_ Emmett and Ted _

_My wonderful boys! You’ve been such good friends to Michael. I feel calm knowing he has you two in his life._

“Oh my god, Teddy! It’s like she’s right here talking to us.” Tears streamed down Emmett’s face.

Ted shook his head and snagged the letter from him.

_Emmett, thank you for everything you’ve done for me after Carl left us. You’re the perfect roommate - always happy and ready to lend a helping hand. You always know what to do and what to say at just the right time. No one can listen like you can. Never stop believing in love because you will find it one day. And more importantly, never let your flame burn out!_

_Ted, I hope you’ve finally found happiness with Blake. He’s good for you, just like working for Brian is good for you. Make sure you remember that when life tries to pull you in other directions. You have all you need right in front of you!_

_Love, Debbie_

\----------

Lindsay handed over their letter to Mel and let her read it.

_ Lindsay and Melanie _

_I’ve missed you girls so much during the last years, but I know you made the changes you had to. I know you’re happy in Canada, but please remember that Pittsburgh is waiting for you if you decide it’s time to come home._

_You both picked the best dads possible for your children! I only have one thing to ask of you: make sure my sons never lose contact with their kids. They all deserve each other._

_Let yourself be happy together!_

_Love, Debbie_

\----------

_Brian, Justin, and Gus_

Brian’s hands shook when he opened the envelope. Silently reading the first lines, he put the letters down in front of Justin. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

Picking up the first one, Justin smiled at Gus and started reading.

_ Gus _

_My first grandchild! You look so much like your dad, and from what I’ve seen, you’ve also got his big heart. I can only hope you grow up to be as strong and heroic as he is._

_Your mom is a very wise woman. Turn to her when you need someone to talk to, and listen to her answers. Even if you don’t always see it, you should know that your parents are close. Really close. They know each other in a different way than the rest of us know them._

_Mel is a wonderful mother, and I know you love her. Make sure that never changes!_

_Love, Grandma_

_ Sunshine _

_God, that smile of yours is breathtaking! The first time I saw it, I knew you were special, although I had no idea just _how_ special. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met. You listen to your heart and your head, and that’s what makes you _you_. You have a wonderful talent, and I’m so proud of you for turning it into your profession._

_Thank you for . . ._

Turning to look at Brian, Justin saw that he was staring down at the table, their hands clutched together. Clearing his throat, he started over.

 _Thank you for loving Brian the way he deserves to be loved. Even if he won’t tell you every day, I want you to know that you’re the love of his life. He will fuck up_ . . . Brian shook his head, and Justin smiled . . . _because that’s who he is, but he will never leave you. He’s changed his whole life, his beliefs, to be with you._

_Living with him can be a lot of hard work, so I need you to make sure you don’t lose yourself while doing it. Continue to do what makes you happy. Keep following your heart and your head. Go where your art leads you - you won’t be going alone._

_Spend as much time with Gus as possible. His dads are his heroes._

_Love, Debbie_

“Do you want me to read yours?”

Not looking up, Brian just nodded and moved his chair closer to Justin’s.

_ Brian _

_Brian Fucking Kinney. The stud of Liberty Avenue. The guy who fucks everyone, but only once. Heartless shit. Unable to love._

_I’ve heard it all when it comes to you. Hell, I’ve probably said it all myself. Some of it might be true, but that’s just a small part of who you are._

_You show your concern for everyone in your own way. Even if we don’t always say it, believe me - we see it and we appreciate it. You know, it’s not always easy to hear what you’re not saying, but if we take the time to listen, we’ll get the answers to our questions._

_Michael was my only son until he turned 14 and you came into our lives. I knew from the start you were trouble. I also knew you needed love more than any other child I’d ever met. I’m so proud you chose to make our house your second home. Thank you for letting me be your mother when your own couldn’t be there for you._

_Please see to it that Gus remembers me. Sit down with Michael and Jenny Rebecca every now and then and tell them about Vic and me._

Justin’s voice broke, Brian’s fingers stroking over his back as he put his arm around his waist.

_Take care of Sunshine. Make sure he knows, really knows, that he’s the one._

_Ha! I can see your face in front of me as I write this. I can almost feel your need to get out of my kitchen and into the backroom of Babylon._

_Go. Have fun._

_No apologies. No regrets._

_Love, Ma_

\----------

Brian got up, his cigarette lit before the door closed behind him.

No one said anything except Michael. “I miss her, Ben. I miss her so fucking much,” he repeated over and over, Ben trying his best to comfort him but knowing nothing he could do would be enough right then.

Emmett collected everyone’s plate, nodding when Ted asked if he needed help taking care of the leftovers.

Justin waited until his tears had dried before he joined Brian outside.

Brian took one final drag on his cigarette and turned around to look at Justin over his shoulder. “You do know how much I love you, don’t you?”

Justin couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes it was so easy for Brian to just say it, and other times it still took a bottle of whiskey for him to ask how his day had been. He nodded. “I know.”

“Ready to leave?” Brian asked, throwing away the cigarette butt.

“Wanna go to Babylon?”

“No. I want to go home. The girls are leaving today, so we’ll have the house to ourselves.”

Justin shook his head. “No, they’re not leaving until tomorrow.”

“I told them to pack their shit and leave after the dinner. We need to be alone. I’ve seen how much you’ve had to struggle to keep it together just because you’re too polite to break down when we have company.”

“Thank you.” Justin’s voice was only a whisper when Brian took him in his arms.

“You’re always so fucking strong. I don’t know how you do it,” Brian said.

Justin felt warm tears trickling down his cheek, unable to tell if they were his own or Brian’s. Holding onto each other for what felt like hours, they finally let go and walked towards their car, not taking the time to say good-bye to everyone.

\----------

“I love Lindsay, Mel, and the kids, and I know I’ll miss them, but god . . . it’s so good to have the house to ourselves again.” Justin stood in the middle of the living room as Brian undressed him. He enjoyed Brian’s fingers tracing over his body, soothing and calming him. Holding hands, they walked towards the bedroom and curled up against each other. “Is it wrong that I couldn’t sense Debbie in the house tonight?” Justin asked.

“What?”

“You know, like her spirit should have been there. I couldn’t tell if it was.”

Brian laughed a little. “If her spirit is anywhere, I’m sure it’s at the diner or the baths.”

“Do you think she’ll come back as a gay man?”

“I wouldn’t be too surprised if she managed to find a way to do that.”

Justin drew Brian close. “We’ll be okay. Our lives will be a little emptier, but we’ll be okay.”

Brian nodded, falling asleep to Justin’s voice reassuring them both that everything was fine.


End file.
